Saturday, August 31, 2013
Friday, August 30, 2013
Q Post: Tell Me What?
“When someone tells you, “I love you,”
and then you feel, “Oh, I must be worthy after all,”
that’s an illusion.
That’s not true.
Or someone says, “I hate you,”
and you think, “Oh, God, I knew it; I’m not very worthy,”
that’s not true either.
Neither one of these thoughts hold any intrinsic reality.
They are an overlay.
When someone says, “I love you,”
he is telling you about himself, not you.
When someone says, “I hate you,”
she is telling you about herself, not you.
World views are self views—literally.”
Adyashanti
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Q Post: Live Life
“Don’t get stuck.
Move, travel, take a class, take a risk.
There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness,
and this is neither.
This season is about becoming.
Don’t lose yourself at happy hour,
but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either.
Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee
or climb in bed with your journal.
Now is your time.
Walk closely with people you love.
Don’t get stuck in the past,
and don’t try to fast-forward yourself
into a future you haven’t yet earned.
Give today all the love and intensity
and courage you can,
and keep travelling honestly along life’s path.”
Street Smarts: A Learning Process: 11 Things to Know at 25(ish)
Monday, August 26, 2013
Q Post: The Simple Caffeine Life
“Live on coffee and flowers.
Try not to worry what the weather will be.”
Matt Berninger
Q Post: Reality
“We live in an age where we feel guilt whenever we have to cut someone off
but the reality is that some relationships do need to die,
some people do need to be unfollowed and defriended.
We aren’t meant to be this tethered to the people in our past.
The Internet mandates that we don’t burn bridges
and keep everyone around like relics
but those expectations are unrealistic and unhealthy.
Simply put,
we don’t need to know what everyone else is up to.
We’re allowed to be choosy about who we surround ourselves with
online and in real life, even if it might hurt people’s feelings.”
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Q Post: Drive the Wheel
“Don’t wait around for others to experience life with you.
Take the lead,
go out,
and get the most out of life.
Eventually, you’ll have more company than you can handle.”
Gentlemen’s Wisdom
Friday, August 23, 2013
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Q Post: After....
My heart didn’t break into a thousand pieces after he left.
Instead, I realized all the things he didn’t do.
He didn’t want to hear my stories.
He didn’t ask me questions.
He didn’t smile when I was talking to him.
He didn’t hug me out of the blue to make me feel good.
His hugs were always a preamble to something else
and after he was gone, I wondered if he ever knew me at all.”
Diane Les Becquets
Fitness: Yoga Morning
Despite the storm outside my window,
the cool gloomy weather seems to be
the perfect one for doing yoga!
Just light up your incense or heat up some fragrant oil,
straighten your mat and just let go.
Wall Post: Attainment
I am just amazed at this shot. It is just so powerful and it just pierced my heart when I saw this. I felt power, threat, abuse, strength, and so much more. It seems to convey (for me) a sense of self infliction that can still be stopped.
Just what a powerful photo. Congrats to whoever shot this. I am seriously amazed
Monday, August 19, 2013
#PrayForThePhilippines
Typhoon Maring is in the are of responsibility of the Philippines
and we are currently experiencing continuous rain, flooding, dam overflows and so much more and several cities are now under the state of calamity
Wherever you are,
whatever you may be doing
PLEASE
#PrayfoThePhilippines
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Loveless
BIt's Monday, the start of another week.
I wonder what lies in front of me for this seven days ahead.
From my windowsill, I can see the trees being blown by the strong wind,
the clouds grey and the rain falling strongly from above and I wonder,
why does the weather seems similar to how I am on the inside--
Downtrodden and gloomy.
I am able to hide what I really feel and just keep on
a sweet smile, laughters and glittering eyes which masks
what is veridical.
I just can't quite grasp closure in me.
I mean I've accepted what has been done to me
and what I feel in to-- lies.
But that doesn't mean it stops there.
There is pain.
Pain which I want to just evaporate
like a bubble burst.
I'm even traumatized of what happened
and with that, I'm scared.
I'm scared not of him, not to feel such pain again
but rather, I'm scared to give love once more.
I give love not expecting the same in return
but for that love to be appreciated and to be treasured
not misplaced nor forgotten.
I give love to make someone that makes me feel special and cared for
feel the same.
I give love for happiness
NOT for misery or sorrow.
If giving love results to such negativities,
then why give love?
If all would just let me down,
then why should I still give it?
I do not know when again this feeling or thought would vanish,
but as of now I don't think I'd be able to give it
nor would I able to feel such again.
Q Post: Perk-Cons on Height
perks of being short
ur automatically cute by default
very portable, people carry u places
rly rad nicknames
cons of being short
u cant reach anything
not so rad nicknames
people use u as an armrest sometimes
perks of being tall
u can reach things
u can boop people on their head
u get to use people as armrests
cons of being tall
ur basically a portable landmark
people use u to hide from the sun
u can’t hide from anyone
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Earth Friendly
We should really not use plastic cups anymore since paper cups are easily available in stores and all or better yet let's just use reusable containers such as your metal containers, water bottles and all that. It would greatly affect the decrease in the world's trash and lessen the clogged canals and areas that we have
I praise the stores who have changed their ways such as McDonald's, Burger King, Starbucks, Moonleaf and Big Chill. And mind you, Big Chill has also made use of plastic straws! They aren't very durable and all but it still does the job! Congratulations to those establishments. I really admire their marketing staff for making a big switch.
Save the world!!!
Q Post: Late Night Reads
“You do not need another heart to make yours beat, despite popular misconception.”
Iain S. Thomas
“I’m almost never serious, and I’m always too serious. Too deep, too shallow. Too sensitive, too cold-hearted. I’m like a collection of paradoxes.”
Ferdinand de Saussure
“I had no idea what I wanted, only that I wanted something, which is the worst kind of wanting.”
David Levithan Love Is The Higher Law
Friday, August 16, 2013
Q Post: Morning Lives
“And kid, you’ve got to love yourself.
You’ve got wake up at four in the morning,
brew black coffee, and stare at the birds
drowning in the darkness of the dawn.
You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station
who’s reading your favorite book
and start a conversation.
You’ve got to come home after a bad day
and burn your skin from a shower.
Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets
until they smell of lemon detergent
you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store.
You’ve got to stop taking everything so goddam personally.
You are not the moon kissing the black sky.
You’ve got to compliment someones crooked brows
at an art fair and tell them that their eyes
remind you of green swimming pools in mid July.
You’ve got to stop letting yourself
get upset about things that won’t matter in two years.
Sleep in on Saturday mornings
and wake yourself up early on Sunday.
You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out.
You’ve got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago.
You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions.
Fuck it. Love yourself, kiddo. You’ve got to love yourself.”
Unknown
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Monday, August 12, 2013
The Worst Thing About Me
When people ask people they usually ask for your strengths, best this and that, proudest moments, greatest achievements and further on but I just want to share what the worst thing about me is.
Trusting people easily
I give trust out too easily I must say. I easily believe people and that is why I am often and easily tricked and lied to. I usually believe what everyone says especially coming from the people whom I love an learned to like. It is a big big mistake and I know it. It is foolishness and I do want to get rid of that habit but the thing is, it has already been a habit which is very hard to flush out of my system. I have learned from my mistakes and incorporating this with my current situation, my boy trouble, I easily believed him with no questions asked nor doubts I just believed him right away and after two days of pondering, I have realized that it's so wrong. I shouldn't have easily believe him. I am kind of chasing him because I'm the first one who always talks to him and give efforts. I think I'm the only one who's trying. I think it's now one-sided.
It is hard to accept but I think that's what's happening. I think I should stop pushing myself and let him do the work. He said that he would make it up to me but where are the actions? It seems like he can only say his plans but not put them into actions. I know and I have been told that I deserve the best and I should not settle for less or whatever. I have to lift up my chin, suck it up and do what I do best which is focusing on my self.
That's another thing about me. I'm pretty selfish.
I'm selfish in a sense that I do share what I posses but in situations, I only think about myself and my benefit. So I guess in times like these, I should put it into good use and bring out the pride in me right? That's life. Sometimes you have to utilize what you already have instead of looking for something that isn't in hand.
Resourcefulness is the key and I know I am able to do this. I just need continuous prayers and a good mindset on my goal.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
You do not have to make me admit
Just found this over Tumblr entitled: MAKE ME ADMIT TO THESE STUFF
And I'm like: I would gladly answer these. HAHA!
1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?
Nopes
2. You talked to an ex today, correct?
Not at all haha
3. Have you taken someones virginity?
Nooo
What kind of questions are these!!! HAHAHA
4. Is trust a big issue for you?
Kinda yes.
5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?
Sort of. I miss him though. He's kinda distant and busy :( Sad
6. What are you excited for?
To see him and for classes to be called off for tomorrow
7. What happened tonight?
Nothing important, really
8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?
Depends on how wasted but not really. Just as long as they don't vomit and all
9. Is confidence cute?
Yes it is!
10. What is the last beverage you had?
H2O
11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
Less then how my fingers could count
12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?
Yuh. I'm a girl so yes
13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?
That's six days from today, I guess I'd be studying or be on a movie marathon!
Life of a single teenager HAHA
14. What are you going to spend money on next?
SHOES!!!!!
15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?
EWWW no
16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?
YES
17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?
My little bro
18. The last time you felt broken?
Two days ago
19. Have you had sex today?
No
20. Are you starting to realize anything?
That he's still an effortless childish douche
21. Are you in a good mood?
Kinda. Just sleepy hehe. Cuddle weather tonight!!
22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?
Hell yeah!!!
23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?
Nopes
24. What do you want right this second?
Talk to him
25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?
FUCK YOU
26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?
No I dyed it but I want the natural one back so I'm growing it off but coloring my hair is so addictive!!!
27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?
Hmmmmm possibly
28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?
I don't remember
29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?
YES I REALLY DO
30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?
Yup
31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?
No
32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?
Yes :)
33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?
YES
34. Listening to?
The rain
35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?
80% of the time
36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?
No
37. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Yes :)
38. Who did you last call?
My mother
39. Who was the last person you danced with?
I don't remember actually
40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?
Because I thought I was in love?
41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?
Last month
42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?
I think I did
43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?
ALWAYS
44. Do you tan in the nude?
EWW NO TANNING
45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?
YUP
46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?
Sadly no :(
47. Who was the last person to call you?
I think my mom
48. Do you sing in the shower?
Yup
49. Do you dance in the car?
Hell yea
50. Ever used a bow and arrow?
I wanna!
51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
Last year
52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
Noooooo. I love em
53. Is Christmas stressful?
Nope! It's the bomb
54. Ever eat a pierogi?
I don't even know what that is
55. Favorite type of fruit pie?
APPLE!!!
56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Archaeologist & surgeon
57. Do you believe in ghosts?
I guess
58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
Often yes
59. Take a vitamin daily?
Yuuh
60. Wear slippers?
Yups
61. Wear a bath robe?
Rarely
62. What do you wear to bed?
Daster or shirt+boxers =)))
63. First concert?
BEYONCE!!!!!!
64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
N/A
65. Nike or Adidas?
Adidas
66. Cheetos Or Fritos?
None of the above
67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
Peanuts!
68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?
Our Song?
69. Ever take dance lessons?
Still am!
70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
Surgeon hihi
71. Can you curl your tongue?
Yup
72. Ever won a spelling bee?
Nopes :))
73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
YES!!
74. What is your favorite book?
Too many!!
75. Do you study better with or without music?
With
76. Regularly burn incense?
No
77. Ever been in love?
Yeah
78. Who would you like to see in concert?
MARIAH CAREY PLEAAAASE!!
79. What was the last concert you saw?
Fall Out Boy (Save Rock and Roll Tour)
80. Hot tea or cold tea?
Hot
81. Tea or coffee?
Tough one but I'll go with coffee
82. Favorite type of cookie?
Oatsy ones!
83. Can you swim well?
Average. I'll survive in life or death drowning situations.
84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
Yes!
85. Are you patient?
Yes I am really am
86. DJ or band, at a wedding?
Band.
87. Ever won a contest?
I think so yes.
88. Ever have plastic surgery?
Nevah
89. Which are better black or green olives?
Green I guess? But I kinda dislike them both
90. Opinions on sex before marriage?
If you love 'em go but don't be too easy to get.
91. Best room for a fireplace?
Living room
92. Do you want to get married?
Ever since we started I kinda considered the idea of being married :)
He kinda changed my perception on this
First Move, Check
Suddenly we were under one roof three four days ago. Rewind though....
We suddenly had a long weekend due to holidays and so our church friend decided to throw a long weekend pool party just to celebrate the long weekend and to have fun. So my little brother and I decided to go but then we wanted Cronuts so we went pick up some first and had dinner out. I was like okay let's ust dress up semi-pambahay super casual like I have no fucking care who sees me haha So I just pulled on a grey statement vneck and a pair of black shorts and black slippers and I was out! So were were finished with dinner and that was around seven thirty and we were kinda late already but what the its a party! So while we were getting the bill someone texted me and I was like who could this be and it was HIM. IT. WAS. HIM. MY HANDS SERIOUSLY SHOOK, MY HEART JUST BEATED CONTINUOUSLY AND STRONGLY, MY MIND WAS ON A HIATUS!!!! Holy fucking shit I look like crap and HE ASKED ME IF I WAS GOING TONIGHT AND I WAS LIKE FUUUUUUUCK WHAT DO I REPLY I NEED TO GO HOME AND CHANGE AND LOOK ABSOLUTELY HOT AND AMAZING BUT BUT BUT NO ONE COULD BRING ME HOME TO CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS SUPER ON PANIC MODE BECAUSE HE WAS GOING HE WAS GOING AND THE FACT THAT HE TEXTED ME?!!!!!!!! I was soooooooooooooooo nervous. Ok. So I told him I was going and I asked him if he was and obviously he was too and he told me that HE HAD SOMETHING TO SAY THAT WOULD CHANGE EVERYTHING AND CLEAR THINGS UP OMG I WAS LIKE FUUUUUUUUUUCK FUUUUUCK KILL ME I DON'T WANNA GO ANYMORE HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA BUT OF COURSE I REALLY WANTED TO BECAUSE I NEEDE AND WANTED TO HEAR WHAT HE HAD TO SAY. I WAS WEAK IN THE KNEES, MY CHEST WAS GIVING UP ON ME AND JUST MY WHOLE SYSTEM STARTED TO LOOSEN BECAUSE I WAS SOOOOOO NERVOUS. MY HEART KEPT ON BEATING AND I JUST COULDN'T HANDLE US FINALLY SEEING EACH OTHER!!!!! But okay no choice I can not back out and I can't not go and not hear what he has to say right? So okay we went there.
He didn't reply to my text anymore cause my phone effing broke just my luck huh? So okay. I was there and I didn't know where he was. I was hoping he wasn't there yet. So when I entered the house he was nowhere to be found. So okay I could breathe again!!! Coast clear! So got to talk to people and I had to per badly and I thought okay I'll fix myself in the bathroom. The restroom was located underneath the staircase so I was walking towards the door and someone suddenly came down from the stairs and of course I looked and IT. WAS. HIM. I SMILED AT HIM BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO AND I JUST WALKED FASTER AND LOCKED MYSELF INSIDE THE RESTROOM. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA. AND WHEN I WENT INSIDE OMG OMG OMG HE'S ALREADY HERE FUCK IT. OK HE ALREADY SAW ME I CAN'T HIDE ANYMORE BUT I WILL DEFINITELY NOT APPROACH HIM FIRST HE HAS TO APPROACH ME FIRST LIKE WTF YOU TALK TO ME NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. SO OKAY WE WERE KINDA SEPARATED BUT HE KEPT ON LOOKING AT ME AND DEEP INSIDE THAT FELT REALLY NICE like wow he wants to talk to me and see me hihihihi. I'm really easy to please, to make happy and all that. I'm a softy inside ok going back!!!! Everyone swan already and I was like oh no no spare clothes but wth let's go swim!! *sings Icons Pop* I don't care I love it! :)))
Okay I am too pumped well going back so my little brother decided to pass by home to g us towels and clothes and so I went on and swam. I started on by the steps and I kinda stayed there and he came towards me and he kinda talked to me. He asked if I wanted to talk and I'm like yeah. And he was still kinda acting stupid and saying bull cause all he did was ask. He asked me if I was still confused, if it was the same questions, if I'm still mad and all that but I told him I wasn't and that I still had the same questions in mind. So I went first by asking you guys are technically still together so what am I and he suddenly said that he broke it off last night. And I was like HALLELUJAH HE BROKE UP WITH HER FINALLY FINALLY BUT AS IF ITS GONNA CHANGE A LOT????? Well it did okay. So that was kinda it. And he said that if I'm still mad just let it out and I was like that was one time I said all that I had to say and he finally told me what his concrete plans are and how he wanted us to be. He told me that he wants to make it up to me, to make things better and for us to be how we were before all these problems and quarreling came up and that kinda satisfied me already and after that we acted okay. He held my hands often which made me smile a lot but he was still kinda "ashamed" and showing PDA towards everyone which in my part I think I should understand. Other than that it went pretty okay :) so I'm kinda happy with that I guess.
So after that night we didn't text as much because he said he was busy. Like really busy and I guess I have to kinda understand that I guess. And I kinda always text first nowadays but I think I have to stop. I don't know if he needs space or what but that's the only problem. He doesn't share how he feels still. He made the first right move by finally breaking it off with her. At least his problem with her is done and it kinda gave sense to whatever we are right? I'm not the third party anymore but I may be called the reason why he broke it off with his ex girlfriend right? :) So I am kinda happy with that but he is distant. I'm not really sure if he's just busy or he just is still distant or maybe he just find this awkward? Here we go again with the MAYBES and WHAT IFS.
And the thing is it's his birthday tomorrow. I wantED to do something special for him but I guess plans backfire all the time. I guess I shouldn't do anything special but I still want to make him feel special so I'll try with words and by greeting him at exactly twelve midnight later :) I just hope he feels that I'm serious with this. He had made me feel happy and special and I want to try and make this work. I mean there's nothing to lose. We could always just try and put effort into it but if it doesn't we can always remain friends. What's there to lose?
Friday, August 09, 2013
Q Post :You Just Can't
“You can’t control everything.
Sometimes you just need to relax and have faith that things will work out.
Let go a little and just let life happen.”
Kody Keplinger, Shut Out (via aphelia)
Thursday, August 08, 2013
Fitness: Two and a Half Months' Progress
I am down at 104 pounds / 47.7 kilograms from 110 pounds since May. Two and a half Monty's progress and I am so happy I lost that six pounds. I'm aiming for a flat hundred so I'm continuing my diet but my workouts are sadly limited because of school :( I only get to Zumba once a week, Muay Thai once a week and twice a week's 30-minute jogging + another 30-minute ab workout after jogging.
I honestly miss working out everyday chat post workout feeling is just great and my eating habits are slowly deteriorating. I'm suddenly experiencing binge eating and the food that I eat during that time are so unhealthy like junk food and processed ones. I'm trying so hard to control myself as so to remain fit and healthy not just become thin but healthy.
Go me!!!!
Wednesday, August 07, 2013
Today's Today and Let's Just Be Once Again Reminded of Torment
Just read a man's statement shirt saying:
IF IGNORANCE IS
BLISS
THEN WHY
AREN'T YOU HAPPY?
Thinking about it why would someone be happy when they are being ignored
Especially being ignored by someone you love.
Incorporating this with my situation right now, I hate how people ignore each other and it does not even solves the situation whatever it is instead it makes it a lot worst. Not talking leads to no good because you don't get to know what the person really feels and without words, how can you solve something without words?
And right now, I feel like a fool. I'm being ignored for I don't know what reason and I just want him to talk to me. And yeah for almost half a month all I have been babbling about is him and this is just absurd. This isn't like me and I think that having these arguments with him has mad me fall for him somehow? Because I also wonder to myself why would I be that affected if I'm not totally into that guy right?
I'm just still so frustrated with everything and gosh I just hope this would end already.
FOB Live in Manila!!!!!!!!
OKAY I JUST CAN NOT CONTAIN MYSELF
I DO NOT WANT TO JINX THIS BUT OH MY FREAKING HOLLY MOLLY!!!!!!!!!!
FALL OUT BOY COMING TO MANILA FOR THE ASDKGK TIME FOR THEIR
SAVE ROCK AND ROLL CONCERT AND I JUST CAN NOT WAIT TO SEE THEM!!!
I mean it's still 50/50 but fuckerying this shit I want to watch!!!!!
They're like seriously one of the best rock bands ever
Not too metallic, not too corny, or whatever but they're legit rockers and
I sooooo love them!!!!!
I mean the look so cool on stage all the time
Like they never run out of energy and all that
Come on. Look at those facesssss
Cutie rockers!!
But effi fuckerying. This is PATRICK STUMP OF FALL OUT BOY TO PATRICK STUMP OF PATRICK STUMP OMG OMG OMG. WHO WOULD EVER THOUGHT?!!!
I can seriously hear him in head singing "don't give up, don't ya give u-up"
Okay is that what you meant by that song??
To not give up until you go thin and solo?!!!
HAHAHHA JUST KIDDING
BUT FUCKING SHIT THEY ARE TOO AWESOME FOR LIFE
I MEAN PETER WENTZ ALONE IS LIKE THE SHIT
COMBINE THEM ALL IN ONE BAND
FUCK LETS GO ROCK OUR SHIT OUTS!!!!!!!
Tuesday, August 06, 2013
Good Morning News?
Okay so I admit. I am such a huge stalker only because I do not know things and the fact that we do not have common friends. This is the only way I could check things and know some this. By stalking. I can say that this sounds really wrong and somewhat disgusting in a sense that EWW WHY AM I DOING THS? I seriously do nt want to look sodesperate and shit but this is the only way.
So okay. The girl's Twitter description is:
Instagram @asdfghklh
@GUYSNAME's
Okay and I just checked her Twitter now and the "@GUYSNAME's part has been removed.
SO
OH
MY
FREAKING
GOSH
HAVE THEY SERIOUSLY BROKEN UP NOW?!!!!!!
I mean IS THIS FOR REAL SOMEONE PLEASE CONFIRM THIS TO ME
I NEED TO KNOW.
I NEED SOMEONE TO CONFIRM THIS
I NEED HIM TO TELL ME!!!!!!
Okay I don't want to jinx this but wow. I just felt a little bit of relief when I saw this.
I am just a little bit excited to know
I hope he texts me already though.
He hasn't replied to my super-slightly-angry-bitch-mode-ON-in-your-face-don't-be-dumb text.
Monday, August 05, 2013
Dumbass, Think Better
I have poured myself out to you and what do I get? Nada. I went on, swallowed my pride and I told you most of what I feel, what I'm thinking, what I want to happen and a lot more but you return me with useless words. I've explained how I truly felt but I did not quite understand how you do. You're seriously not dumb but whenever I ask you specific things and I even give you choices, you answer me me indirectly, vaguely and unsurely. You got me wondering, are you still even that interested to fix 'this' whatever this even is. He is so secretive but he seems sincere somehow. But the Thing is, I don't feel like he want to fight for me. The thing is, he's technically still together with his girlfriend despite the fact that he broke things off already but the girl doesn't want to and despite them still talking to each other. Well according to him, they barely talk but still. What I mean is if the two of them are still technically together, why does he have to bring me in to the picture? And if he really does not want to be with the girl anymore, why won't he just break up with her and tell her and everyone that it's really over? It kinda seem to me that he can not let go of his girlfriend. If he really does not want to be in that relationship anymore, he could like push him away and all but he didn't. Instead he brings me in to his life, leads me on and messes my life up. He made me like him so much but he doesn't talk to me straight nor he treats me right?
He keeps on saying that he wants to make things up for me and I'm like okay please define making things up. Where? How? And other things. I mean come on. Why not just tell me? He is so hesitant with everything especially with how we answers things. If he is not hiding anything, why won't he just tell me how he truly feels and everything on his mind. I'm not the super bitchy person who reacts violently with everything a person says but I just act that way if the person annoys me and right now he does because he is such a mute. An intelligent person acting so dumbly and it is so frustrating. Really really frustrating because I have already asked him a lot of questions and told him almost everything but he doesn't give anything. I can not read him, I can not understand how he thinks, what he really feels and all. He is hiding under his rock. He has this force field, made especially for me? That eve thing coming out of his mouth is somewhat censored?
It is terribly hard especially on my part because I'm in a state of doubt and question. I doubt everything he says because he doesn't act upon his words. He says he wants to make it up to me and all he could do to make things up to me is to talk me through everything. He just needs to make me understand his side. That is all I want from him. But he acts so dumb that he does not understand what I want him to do. I can not expect anything from him, but he could at least TRY doing something to make me feel that he's fighting for me.
I just could not contain my anger anymore. I know we are not together but I kind of have to get mad already so that he'd be awaken from whatever or wherever he is. I just told him how frustrated I am, how he should have told me things especially the ex girlfriend scenario, that what am I to him and that he should not make a fool out of me even though I am already. And now I am just patiently waiting for his response. I just hope he'd act properly, think smart and think LOGICALLY. COME ON PLEASE. I just really want this to work but it's his problem he should first fix. Before choosing me, break up with the girl first PLEASE. I do not want to be the other girl. Ever. I know I am too good for that.
Day Seven
A hundred and fifty-nine hours had passed since we last spoke and for the past days, all I've been thinking of is him and the situation at hand. Mostly I was just thinking "Why won't he text me?" For days I've been waiting for a text or a phone call of just something from him communicating to me but he did nothing. A feeling even crossed my mind that maybe it was already over? Or maybe he's just too guilty of what he had done that he could not find the courage to talk to me. Or maybe he's too shy to explain whatever it is that's on his mind. Or maybe he just does not know what to say. Or maybe he's waiting for me to talk to him so we're just waiting for each other and with that nothing would happen.
And this suddenly crossed my mind. Maybe I was selfish for just thinking about myself and what happened. Flashback: it all started with how he acted last Sunday. He was distant, kinda cold and really not himself and I wondered about that a lot of times already. And the word selfishness just suddenly popped in my mind yesterday. Maybe I was too selfish for thinking only about myself. What if the reason why he was acting as how he did was because he had something going on? maybe he had problems of his own and he acted that way. What if he needed me but I wasn't there for him? I thought a lot about it and it is a big possibility. Why would someone act that way right? Or maybe he just suddenly lost interest? There are a lot of what ifs, buts and other questions bothering me and I just need for us to finally talk to each other to really clear things up. All we need to do is talk and I hope that happens.
I told my friends about this (By the way a couple of them already has him because of what he's doing but majority of them understands the situations). I told them what I've thought about yesterday which was maybe I was just selfish. I shared this idea: I think I should text him because if I don't, I don't think we'd ever talk again nor will I be at peace with what's really gonna happen. I also told them that maybe I should have texted him "Good luck on your UPCAT." last Saturday but i did not and they thought it was a good idea especially the good luck test but I lost my chance. I did not wish him good luck. But they are considering me texting him already. I'm kinda glad they agreed with me. I know PRIDE was and is still is a problem here. But the problem is, I could not really form what I wanted to tell him. I know I want to tell him how I feel, what I've been experiencing the past days, my questions, the possibilities, where we stand, how he is, what's going on with him, ask what he feels and is thinking and a lot more especially asking for time if we can talk in person. All of those I wanted to text in one long message but I seriously could not find the words to even start my text. And I seriously can not tell him that I've been feeling down, bothered, stressed, sad, kinda heart broken and all those because I so do not want to look weak. I mean what if I say those and he does not even feel the same right? I would look so dumb saying all those and I would have made a big fool out of myself which I would never want to happen. I have honestly been there and it's one of the worse things that anyone could feel. Going back though, I also wanted to tell him how I miss him but I'm afraid that he won't feel e same. Maybe the span of us not talking had changed how he feels or felt towards me. I'm afraid to lose someone whom I know I would regret in the future. I've missed my chance with my ex boyfriend because I let him go for some childish dumb reason. And with this present guy, I do NOT want to regret this anymore. I want to do my best to somewhat save this and make progress after. He has been the only reason why I am happy the past two months and I do not want that happiness taken away from me. I do not want to sound desperate, especially to him, but that's how I honestly feel. I'm just really afraid that after a year, when I see he's doing better and with someone who is extremely happy that I'd regret this.
I gave this some serious talk. After telling my friends they pushed me to text him. They understood my point that maybe I was selfish and prideful and I accept that. I took some time, focused and concentrated on myself, what I feel, how I feel and looked for the words, the right words to say. I started of by saying hey and told him a glimpse of how I felt, what was on my mind and what I wanted to happen which is for us to talk. I sent it three hours ago and I'm just hoping he replies. Just the fact that he would reply is a great thing for me. I don't expect that we'd be able to fix whatever but I hope. I hope for the best. I hope for a good and fruitful conversation.
I miss him and a single text would ease that. I really like him and I hope he still feels the same.
Saturday, August 03, 2013
Third Party
I have always been the second option. I mean come on. Why am I always that one girl who doesn't get chosen first. I've been inking actually maybe I'm always the second choice maybe because I make those guys happier than with whom they are currently with but I mean what kind of guy does that? I hate lying and cheating falls under that category but what I mean is why? Why do those guys who like me has to be taken? I've been through liking three or four different guys who are apparently taken. And since they are taken I immediately back off. I'm not the stealer type because I've been through that situation where someone left me for a different person and it feels so bad. It's like getting one of your organ removed from you where you have no choice at all because it was already removed. Feeling betrayed, stabbed, and everything else that feels so humiliating. It's not like you have a choice if someone leaves you right? You'd feel broken and cheated and believe me, your self-esteem would definitely fall. You'd wonder to yourself, why did this person do this to me? What did I lack in? Was I not enough? Was I not good? Did you just not want me anymore? A lot of questions are going to be asked but in the end you'd be left alone.
With this whatever you call this thing that I have right now, everything started really smoothly. Everything was actually perfect. I missed how great it felt to be liked, to be praised, to be taken care of, to be thought of, to be sweet to and all that and I was terribly happy. Everyone saw it in my eyes, in my smiles and in my laughs. I was a total different person because I was happy. I kinda understand myself why I became like that because I missed the feeling of being loved. I really missed it and this guy gave me all that. Everything was perfect until that day came and in addition, the things that I saw. How can someone so lovely and beautiful be so deceiving? Cheating? Making me the third party??? I mean come on man. That happiness just suddenly came out of me in a snap. Like a black hole sucked every bit of happiness I was feeling. Everything seemed to collapse around me like how could this happen? I did not fully believe at first what I saw so I confronted him about it but I was let down. I did not feel being fought for like I was nothing to him. I was really wondering why could this happen like I could no accept what had happened.
It has been five fucking days since we last spoke. Do you even think of me? If he really liked me, he would have done something or said something just to make me feel something even anything. I need closure or just words to somewhat make me understand or to just let me know what the truth is. I feel so down in the dumps that I can't even focus with school, act properly around my family, talk enthusiastically with my friends and all. I feel like I just want to be alone. I know this is bad but this is how I feel. I'm tired of faking smiles around people just to make them not worry about me. I feel so beaten up and I beat up myself about this situation. I feel so forsaken, forgotten and irrelevant. I feel invisible. I just want to be kept unspoken to and alone. I want peace and solidarity like fuck you don't talk to me unless you're him and that he wants to explain everything freely, honestly and sincerely. Don't get me wrong, he is sincere but I can't seem to fully believe him? I don't know I jut can't seem to feel the honesty? Maybe because he hasn't passed the trustworthy barrier for me.
I am not myself right now and I kinda blame him and myself. I am honestly too hung up on him like fuck him why did he do this to me? And fuck me for liking him too much that thinking about him and the situation consumes me. I can't do things properly at all. I just focus of releasing everything I feel which is anger and hurt. Though I can not seem to fully hate him and show how angry I really am like removing the smile mask and bringing the hell devil me. No I can not actually do that. I constantly think about him and even if my friends are disapproved of him already I still defend him which is actually stupid come to think of it. He is honestly a stupid douche for doing these things but I can not seem to figure out what the truth really is. I usually am able to know the truth but in this situation oh damn I so can not.
Another thing is that it is so hard to tell what he's thinking. I have not really figured him out in the sense that I don't know how he thinks, how he would react to certain occurrences, how he would respond to words, how he would act about a certain situation and all that. I do not fully know him and I regret not knowing that for the first month we've been seeing each other. And I regret no fully knowing the real him during those two months.
It has been over five freaking days since he last spoke to me. I mean man. Where are your effing balls like come on? Are you not going to do anything? Or are you waiting to see me so you could do or say whatever it is that you want in person?
A lot of my friends have given me their opinions about it and it is a long list of possibilities I would like to share:
1. Maybe he does not know what to say or do so he just chose to give you space.
2. Maybe he's caught up in his lies and he just chose to forget about you leaving you with no closure.
3. Maybe he's waiting for Sunday to see you and surprise you to make up for what had happened
4. Maybe he needed time to think for himself what he did wrong, where he went wrong and etc.
5. Maybe he's so dumb to figure out that he should talk to me rather than just shutting up
6. Maybe he cheated on his girlfriend and he feels guilty for doing so, so he just chose to be loyal and forget about the other girl which is me
7. Maybe he just suddenly lost interest in me so he chose to stop communicating
8. Maybe he suddenly realized that he did not really like me so he stopped
9. Maybe he's just a real douche who keeps on liking girls, when he gets bored with them leaves them like deserted islands or whatever like trash
MY MIND IS KIND OF EXPLODING BECAUSE SUNDAY IS NEAR AND I DO NOT KNOW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN. I DO NOT KNOW IF I WOULD LET SUNDAY BE THE LAST DAY OF CHANCE OR THE ELEVENTH TO SEE IF HE WOULD EFFORT TO HIS SO CALLED GIRLFRJVFLVJDVOJSO JS WHO BY THE WAY LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING HOMO ERECTUS LIKE A NOMAD LIKE A BAFOON. SHE'S SHRIMP/HIPON (ugly face sexy body) and SHE'S RICH BUT COME ON WHY WOULD YOU TRADE ME FOR THAT?!!!!! Violent reaction much? But seriously I am kinda better looking, older, smarter, sweeter and more caring than her but with experience and what they've been through mayb that weighs more. Ok of course it weighs more but how could he?
I just need the truth and I'm done.
The TRUTH is seriously all I need to finish this unending thoughts
I NEED. THE. TRUTH. TO STOP ME FROM MAKING A FOOL OUT OF MY SELF
As they say: the TRUTH will set you FREE
Thursday, August 01, 2013
Games: It's a Zombie Addiction and a Probable Zombie Apocalypse
A PikPok game is just cool!
How long can you run and move away from zombies?
I seriously got pretty addicted to this game because
number one: it's a zombie game
number two: there are tons of zombies
number three: there are weapons to kill zombies
number four: it's just fun to get high scores
number five: you get to kill zombies
number six: ZOMBIES!!!!!!!!
A definite must try!
You just move left or right to not be eaten be eaten by the zombies
you get to pick up weapons with limited shots/gasoline
you get to kill zombies!
A MadFingerGames creation is just awesome.
From the graphics, movements and just everything is too awesome for my life
I sooo love zombie games and everything zombies cause they are too awesome
and with this game my golly goodness I just instantly got addicted!
C'MON
FREAKING ZOMBIES WITH GLOWING EYES
ZOMBIES
ZOMBIES
GUNS
GUNS
WEAPONS
BOMBS
ZOMBIES
ZOMBIES
AWESOME GRAPHICS
AWESOME CONTROLS
AWESOME EVERYTHING!!!!
They even have special games per area-season!
It is so fun and I've been playing this game for the past seven days STRAIGHT!!!!
It is really addicting and just pure awesomeness
Good job MadFinger Games!!!
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