Loveless

BIt's Monday, the start of another week. 

I wonder what lies in front of me for this seven days ahead.

From my windowsill, I can see the trees being blown by the strong wind,

the clouds grey and the rain falling strongly from above and I wonder, 

why does the weather seems similar to how I am on the inside--

Downtrodden and gloomy.

I am able to hide what I really feel and just keep on 

a sweet smile, laughters and glittering eyes which masks

what is veridical.

I just can't quite grasp closure in me.

I mean I've accepted what has been done to me

and what I feel in to-- lies.

But that doesn't mean it stops there.

There is pain.

Pain which I want to just evaporate

like a bubble burst.

I'm even traumatized of what happened

and with that, I'm scared.

I'm scared not of him, not to feel such pain again 

but rather, I'm scared to give love once more.

I give love not expecting the same in return

but for that love to be appreciated and to be treasured

not misplaced nor forgotten.

I give love to make someone that makes me feel special and cared for

feel the same.

I give love for happiness

NOT for misery or sorrow.

If giving love results to such negativities,

then why give love?

If all would just let me down,

then why should I still give it?

I do not know when again this feeling or thought would vanish,

but as of now I don't think I'd be able to give it 

nor would I able to feel such again.