March 21st 2O14

Today was supposed to be the day full of fun, laughter, jokes and partying but it turned out to be the day of complete sorrow and bad vibes.

We didn't see each other during the morning nor did he tried communing with me. Last night, I sent him this malaNOBELA message over Facebook and I was just SEEN ZONED. FUCKERY. TOTAL BULL CRAP

SHITTY LIFE. SHIT SHIT SHIT. CRAP. CRAPPY

So we just went on preparing for the debut of our friend. Bought flowers at Dangua, changed at Lumera and drives our way through coding window, had McDonald's and went to Romulo. Bogs and I just spoke outside the car in the parking lot. He told me how he is so immature and effortless towards me. I was stupid how I expected a lot from him. Fuck how it hurts how he didn't want to talk or whatever and it was full of crap.

So they told me about how Clark, Carlo and him were fighting. How we sent this long hugot message to the two boys where he felt that he was OP, that they weren't there for him when he needed them the most. So much hurtful thoughts flowed in mind. How he didn't trust me, how undeeded I am, how useless I was, how insignificant I am to his life. Like what's the us of me in his life if he didn't trust me enough that he opens his problems to me. What the fuck does that supposed to make me feel?! I tell you: CRAP. Life is so complex right now and how I wish he would just TALK TO ME SO THINGS WOULD ALLEVIATE FROM WHERE WE ARE RIGHT NOW.

I just cried in front of my three friends. Clark advised me that if I love him that much I shouldn't stop I should give up. He knows how immature he is and how he didn't know what to do but he assured me how much he likes me so I shouldn't give up. I said BUT wag siyang tanga. Ang Hirap ng nakalutang lamang sa ere. I felt useless, used and crappy. 

So we just went through tepee debut. We even thought thatCarlo and him weren't gonna come but surprisingly they did. I was pretty shocked because I just came from the comfort room when they suddenly were there approaching the door. We didn't talk to each other. We didn't.  He didn't say a word and I was like FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS?! 

After the debut we went to Space to go clubbing and when the first batch went in I immediately grabbed a bottle of mixed vodka and just drank my feelings away until he came in and I couldn't be able to drink anymore. He didn't like that I drank. 

So they were seated on the couches but I didn't want to sit with them. Carlo suddenly asked me if I wanted to take a shot and I was like yup I totally do and so he told me to like sit near them and foolish of me I DID sit near them. I wished I didn't. So Gef was handing out shots and then to me. He first asked me if i wanted a shot and I was like yeah. And he looked at me with the YOURE TAKING A SHOT?! And I was like UUUGH YEAH. and he gave me the look ARE YOU SERIOUS?! And I'm like DUUH WHAGCHA THINK?! And he rolled his eyes looking away. So Gef was handing out the shot to me and he pushed his hands away so that I wouldn't take the drink. And I was like WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY DO YOU EVEN SERIOUSLY CARE FOR ME OR JUST FOR SHOW OR WHAT?!!!! ANG LABO MO PARE SOBRANG LABO MO. Clark sat back in between us and I suddenly cried and cried and went away and cried and went back. I told Carlo to bring me home already. So Clark and him went with us. We were just at the back seat not saying anything. Not a word. I even gave hints for him to talk to me but nothing. When I got home, I went immediately to my room and just broke down crying, I cried and I waited for a text but nothing. Nothing at all.