You never know when things may go wrong... Well not a total disaster or whatever your perception of wrong is but for this moment, wrong perfectly described my day. Well before my day started, the night before, I was feeling off already. I was extremely irritable, stressed, exhausted and everything like my mind was going to pop out of my head! I was having my amoral state which girls usually call: PMS. He knew I was feeling and acting all these so he just kinda became sweet with his last good night text and that made me feel warm.
The morning I woke up I was feeling lighter which was really good. I mean such a total bitch when I'm on PMS and in a really bad mood. Thank goodness sleep made me less of a bitch that morning. So I did my usual morning routine: stretch, bath, water & car. I was pretty early for school which didn't bother me much. I'm always such an early bird. After a couple of minutes my friend Boogie arrived to school and stood beside me and he asked me where he was. I was kinda caught of guard because oh yeah, he has not texted yet and right away I got my phone and started calling him. He was not picking up. We are so screwed. He was still asleep at his dorm. Oh goodness gracious. We headed to his dorm and I woke him up out of bed. He was late for our first subject and just wandered around the room bugging everyone who can be bothered haha! Then we were conversing with the barkada and it was really fun and all and out of the blue, I started recalling this conversation we had and we were laughing about it because it was totally hilarious to think about! He then asked us what it was about and I could not give him an answer because it was something I could not share with him. He suddenly got pissed and shut his mouth and just became dull and quiet. Of course this bothered me. A lot. I felt like he was being such a kid who assumed that we were talking about him behind his back and this was not close to what we spoke about. I mean like hello, this is too petty to talk about and too immature to even fight about. Well it is nice to like be in an argument and see how he is when we fight but okay. THIS IS SUCH A PETTY CRAPPY THING TO FIGHT ABOUT.
He became so quiet, so dull, so dead, so invisible, so immature, so sleepy, extra sleepy, so closed, so uninvolved, so uncaring, so unmindful, so insensitive and so OUT. Its as if I did something so heavily unforgivable. Ooooooo kay I am exaggerating a little bit but gaaah. It was way too petty and he even acted like a douche when everything happened. I tried to calm him down, make lambing and make him feel loved but he was just at the through and through state wherein if I do this say this and that it just goes out of his system.
I even said sorry and told him that we were not talking about him behind his back but all he said WITH A FREAKING TONE was I DID NOT EVEN ASK - I DO NOT EVEN WANTED/NEEDED TO KNOW and I was like SO WHY ARE YOU LIKE THAT?! AND HE JUST SHUT ME OUT. HE JUST KEPT STILL AND QUIET AS IF HE DID NOT HEAR ME. AND I WAS LIKE FUUUUUCK. AND That triggered my bitchiness for the entire day. He even just vanished after one of our subjects without a word, without any text or whatever.
SO OK FINE. WANNA PLAY THAT GAME? SUIT YOURSELF. I AM A TOTAL EXPERT AT ELEVATING MY PRIDE. LET'S SEE WHO GIVES IN FIRST GAME
All that I could think of was how could he let the day pass without us being okay or even saying a word of care or whatever. He just climbed under a rock and became this rock beneath a rock. Totally hard and hiding.
It felt pretty unfair in a way that why should you act that way when I feel like I did not even do anything wrong nor did I lack in trying for us to be okay and that he was UNGRATEFUL with how I dealt with the situation.
I just did my best to be strong in a sense that I would refrain from communing with him and even stalking him HAHA. Well the stalking part was really hard but I could not do anything else but to like assure that he was okay that he did not feel alone or whatever that he still had friends around him that would comfort him and make him smile some how.
I still cared even if we weren't okay and I will still care no matter what situation we are in.
The night passed with us not saying a word to each other and me just trying to distract myself from everything that's happening by watching shows and movies, listening to songs and trying to study for a quiz haha!
But that is life. You do your best to stay tough and smiling.
I woke up to the sound of cars passing by outside our house. It was still pretty early to move and get ready for school. Automatically, I checked my phone for messages and found a couple of texts but none from him, then I checked my social accounts and saw a tweet that he posted around 4:00 in the morning and I was like wow. He was still up that late? Haha. So I just let myself go on with life and went to school.
Everyone asked me if we were finally okay and I was like no no no no no no and no. They told me to just be patient, he would come around. And I was like yea yeah whatever. I cared but I didn't want to drown myself thinking of the negatives.
He finally spoke to me... but not about the situation. But at least he made the first move by minding me and trying to talk to me which was a good sign. I did not want things to go on like this for days.
We passed by the chapel before our last class. We prayed inside and we were seated in two benches. The front one where I sat with the two girls and the three boys behind us. After we prayed we kinda stayed for a bit and he suddenly said out loud (on purpose so that I could hear him) LORD, SANA MAGKAINTINDIHAN NA KAMI NI TIN. It was actually cute that I honestly smiled hehe.
At the end of the day when I was about to go home we spoke about what happened yesterday. He told me how it was wrong of me to somewhat gossip in front of him even if it was not about him that it was immoral? and disrespectful to do so in front of him. Like he grew up knowing and keeping in mind that it was wrong to talk about something the other person didn't know and that you keep talking about it in front of the other person. I got his point and I tried sharing what my point was that as much as I wanted to tell him what the topic was about as to not leave him out I couldn't because it wasn't my story to tell. I even told him how bad it felt that we went on like this for the whole day without speaking to each other and so on. He defended himself saying that he was really like that, that he thought it was better to keep shut rather than be plastic towards me. He even added that he felt bad with what happened especially that it was me who did it.
The end point here is that we came to an understanding where okay I get his point and I seriously hope that he got mine as well.
The end point here is that we came to an understanding where okay I get his point and I seriously hope that he got mine as well.
At least today, we parted ways in a good manner and he even mouthed SORRY as I exited school.
After school, I spent the afternoon with my parents in the car just having fun conversations and I was glad my father and I are finally okay. I am just minding my actions and words that I live up to what he wants and expects me to be. We then had dinner in UP Town Center where we had cakes, pasta and tea-coffee and just shared stories and laughter. It felt so great that everything seems okay today. I am just hoping that this state of being okay and untroubled state would continue on.
Thank God for this happy occurrences. Indeed a happy Ash Wednesday.
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