People Who Are Too Nice That You Could NOT Imagine nor Fathom Them Doing Wrong (and the like)

MUST admit that I am thinking on this a lot haha
I am honestly okay now. I am not hurting and I feel like I am nearing towards brightness,
towards the happiness I used to finish. I know I am damaged but I may always be patched
up. Yes, it will take time and tons of overloading effort and ways to do so, but I will be
whole again. I do know that.

I am just thinking about why he did so though. Just wondering in my mind why things
came to that certain point.

My thoughts on this and with the things that has happened or are still happening (?) are
still on point. It just makes me think not as often as before and okay I still do stalk with
his social media accounts just to somehow keep on track and see if he's feeling still.
That's what I worry or wonder the most about. I want to KNOW firstly what he feels.
Is he sad? Broken hearted? Worried about me? Scared? Happy? Free? or what? I just
need an answer to that question maybe not exactly what but at least and idea what he's
feeling. Another is what he's thinking. Scratch that. Is he thinking about me? Every night,
everyday, sometimes, often? Next is what is is he planning to do? We are (I have not
decided yet) unfortunately/fortunately transferred to the same section which is the cream
or star section of our batch. So that probably means that I belong to the top forty students
in our batch. So that out of around 650++ students. Which is something to be proud of and
actually HAPPY about but I'm not. And my friend Kim told me to act civil and just not
let everything bother me. Heart even said that I should not be doing shitty things just
because of some stupid asshole and he is goddamn right!

I must regain my sense of optimism and everything good in me!!!
I can do this and I have survived through worse and I KNOW I CAN DO THIS



I BELIEVE IN MYSELF

I am...

Broken. 

I am not as optimistic as I used to be

I am not as patient as I used to be

I am not as encouraging now

I am not organized anymore

My mind is scattered

I am all over the place.

My heart is broken,

How can it mend?

Payatan Diaries: Summer 2014: Page 2

April 6, 2014 Sunday
Starting weight: 113.8 lbs.
Second weight: 111.6 lbs.
Current weight: 112.4 lbs.


Food plan:
- Minimal caffeine (Includes coffee, milk tea, tea & chocolates)
- Less rice
- No beef as usual
- No processed food
- A little binge eating ERRR
- Minimal sweets hehe






Exercise plan:
- ZUMBAAAA!!!!!


Realizations:
- Stomach is still soft eww
- Stronger arms
- Firm legs hahahaha
MUST JOG TOO!!
MUST BE CONSISTENT WITH FOOD.


Gonna try:
- Fruits, veggies and H2O diet
- High protein diet